Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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