im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
