The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
