My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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