it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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