I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
