i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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