either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
