i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
