you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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