Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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