best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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