My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
