I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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