she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
