Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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