Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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