What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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