I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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