My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
pray to the hookup gods
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
