I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
