last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
