party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Barsexuality is the new black.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
