I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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