whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
