What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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