I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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