shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
