Soap is not a condiment
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
