paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
