What a fucking waste of an outfit
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
