I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
