Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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