Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
