i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
