Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
