he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
