Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
