At least make sure they are 18
Why
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
