Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
