I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
