I just made out with a guy for $7.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
