My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
