I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my liver is dry heaving
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
