the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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