My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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