i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
