Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
whose parrot is this?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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