nut hugger
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
