Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
