Already got asked if we're dating
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
