You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
