i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
