I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
