i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
