I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's the barista slut.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
